Archive for the ‘adoption’ Category

Telling family and friends about your adoption plan for your babyThe idea of sharing that you are pregnant and considering adoption can be a scary thing. You don’t have to tell anyone (except your baby’s birth father) if you don’t want to. All of the services offered to you are confidential. Take your time to decide whether you are going to share this important news with your family and friends. Ask yourself if it will benefit you in the long run by revealing your news.

The birth father will most likely have to be contacted regarding your pregnancy. It is always easier if the birth father signs a waiver agreeing to the adoption. Your adoption professional will work with an adoption attorney to determine if his rights can be terminated. The attorney can inform the birth father of the pregnancy and let him know of his options.

What about your friends? Do you feel that they will be supporting and non-judgmental? You should be prepared that they might not respond in the way you expect. Some might be happy for you and encourage you to raise the baby on your own. Remember, your friends will not be with you every moment. The expense and hard work of parenting would fall squarely on your shoulders. Make sure that whatever decision you make is not swayed by the opinions of others. Keep those friends close that are loving and supportive (whatever your decision).

If you choose to share this news with your parents, it is better to share early on in the process. Once you have decided on a plan for your future, sit down with them and calmly discuss your situation. Let them know you have come up with a plan. Ask them for emotional support and understanding. If they react with anger, give them time and space to digest the information. This news is likely to be shocking for them. A soft and respectful voice will go a long way to smoothing over ragged emotions.

Do remember that sharing with family at the last minute (like at the hospital when you have just had a baby) can be a very dramatic and intense experience. Many women find this just adds to their emotions and created additional problems. Including family saying they will help with the baby only to find that once home the offered support is missing. Be cautious before picking up the phone to share that you have had a baby with family and friends that have not known about your pregnancy along. For those loved ones you allow into your confidence, let them uphold you and support you with your adoption choice.

Don’t feel that you are in this alone! Your adoption coordinator will be there to support you every step of the way. They can provide guidance or just a sympathetic ear. Adoption is a loving choice; surround yourself with people who can support adoption for your baby.

Learn about writing a letter to your adopted childAs a birth mother, you’re able to give your child the gift of a love letter, that shares your feelings of hope and love. This is a beautiful and treasured gift that only you can provide.

“I don’t want my child to hate me for choosing adoption” is a fear that many birth parents express. Writing a special letter directly to her child can help any birth mother at this time of high emotions and often heartache. Through the letter, the birth mother is revealing her true loving feelings for her child.

You may begin the love letter by telling your child your hopes for their lives. These hope may be a significant reason you chose to make an adoption plan. Share the care with which you took to make sure they had the type of family you wished to provide. Also, you can take this occasion to explain that you did not choose adoption because you did not care about them, you chose adoption because you care so much that you want to provide more for them than you are able.

If other members of your family are struggling with your decision or difficult emotions, they may also want to write a letter. This is an chance for them to convey to your child that he or she is always loved from afar.

It’s a good idea to make copies of the letters for your special memory books or boxes. If you feel a pang of heartache in future years about the child you placed for adoption, re-reading these letters may help you.

If you have an open adoption relationship with your child’s adoptive parents, you might ask them to give your child this love letter. Your special letter is your hope and love on paper expressed to your child and will be a treasure for your child and the adoptive parents for many years to come.

It can be hard to find the words to accurately reflect what is in your heart, so some birth mothers feel as though they cannot write a letter like this. Please don’t let your words and feelings go unwritten or unspoken. Stories and pictures the adoptive parents tell your child will pale when compared to the heartfelt words that you can share, describing your feelings and your decision to choose adoption.

This is a beautiful way to leave a legacy for your child, sharing the hope you have for them through adoption. To consider submitting your letter to an upcoming book titled Adoption Love Stories, please visit www.AdoptionLoveStories.com.

Read to find out about open adoption and if it's the right pregnancy choice for youMaking the decision to place your child for adoption can be a difficult one. You are not alone in this decision, though. There are groups and sites, like Lifetime Adoption, that are more than willing to help and support you as you make this decision.

They can give you information, offer you advice, or just sit and listen to what you need to say. Everyone needs support when faced with a decision like this, and these groups have people who have gone through similar situations and are willing to help.

No matter who you turn to for support, do not let them rush you into making any decisions. This is YOUR decision; accept their advice, accept their information, but do not let them bully you into a decision that you do not think is right. This is your pregnancy and your baby.

Below are steps you can use to help you decide what you want to do:

List all the choices you have. Even if you do not think it could happen, put it down. As you gather information, you can eliminate what will not work.

Ask yourself some hard questions. You need to ask questions that not only deal with the present, but also your future. Write them down and answer them honestly. Here are a few to get you started:

– What do I want to do with my life?

– Is there someone willing to support me? If not, how will I support me and my baby?

– Do I feel comfortable being on public assistance?

– What are my views on abortion? How will an abortion make me feel years from now?

– What kind of people do I think would make good parents?

-Am I ready for the responsibility of being a parent? A single parent?

– Can I share my decision with my parents and friends?

– If someone I know does not like the decision, how will I deal with it?

– Is the father of the baby willing to help me through the pregnancy and after it?

Learn everything possible about each available option. Ask people you trust what things they would consider if they were experiencing this. Remember, this is your decision. Do not let anyone force you to make a decision you are uncomfortable with.

Look at the pros and cons of each option and write them down. Put them in a list of most favorable to least. This can help you see the whole picture.

Look inside yourself. Explore all your feelings. This decision is an extremely personal one. Only you know how you feel about what is happening.

A number of years ago, one of the staff members here at Birth Mother Articles worked with Beth, a woman in her mid-20s who called to get adoption information only because her mother encouraged her to at least look into it. She wasn’t truly interested. She wanted to be a mom to her baby.

As Beth spoke with our staff member, she was asked some of these hard questions. This exercise made her really think about her situation.

 

Birth Mother Articles staff member: Is the father of your baby ready to support you, your baby, and be a dad.

Beth: Well, he isn’t around right now but I know he’ll be when the baby is here.

Birth Mother Articles staff member: How do you know he’ll be?

Beth: Well, I guess I don’t really know but I just kind of hope he will.

Birth Mother Articles staff member: And what if he doesn’t? What if he doesn’t come back and doesn’t pay child support?

Beth: I don’t want to think about that.

Birth Mother Articles staff member: Do you have someone else then who will support you?

Beth: My mom said I can live with her for three months.

Birth Mother Articles staff member: Then what?

Beth: I want to get my own place.

Birth Mother Articles staff member: Great! How will you pay for it? And diapers, clothes, gas, a car, and other stuff?

Beth: Ummm. Maybe child support for some. But I don’t know. I don’t have to know that now do I? Can’t I figure it out when the baby’s here.

Birth Mother Articles staff member: How will you figure it out when you have to get up with baby every three to four hours in the night and have a little one to care for all day.

Beth: I don’t know.

Through the exercise, Beth realized that she needed a plan. She realized that she was unprepared for life as a single mom. She hadn’t planned this out fully. It wasn’t the life she had expected. When her man didn’t come around, she started to open up more to adoption, learning about the opportunities.

No matter what your decision is, be sure to see your doctor as soon as possible and schedule all necessary appointments. And remember, there are people ready to help and support you.